Ups & Downs

Fitness has many ups and downs. Everyday we feel a different way about our selves and our bodies. Our mental state has a huge bearing on what we may see in the mirror opposed to what others may see.

We are our own worst critics. I can attest to this to the maximum degree. According to other individuals, I critique myself way to hard. Yet, I know how I like to see myself and how I feel in my clothes. Maybe to others I look better at a certain weight but to me, I do not see what they see. Granted when you develop eating disorders, you form what is called “Body Dysmorphia”. I was at one time 130 lbs with a BMI of 26, which is considered over weight. I do not know what my fat percentage was but obviously, I had more fat than muscle. That look has stayed ingrained in my mind since I was 16.

I had never been that big for my 5’2″ frame before and was extremely depressed. Once I realized how big I was, my depression deepened. But in order to keep weight off, you have to be consistent. I am finally starting to learn to implement this in my life the healthy way. I allow emotions to over take me when I am extremely stressed out which triggers my disorders. I was consistent for 5 years with not eating (starvation, anorexia) thus, I was able to stay the same weight at (110 lbs, 15% bf) but is that a healthy approach?… NO.  The past two years have been bulimia 😧 Granted, I know some anorexics go down to 90 lbs or lower for a 5’2″ height but on me, some thought that my face was too sunken in…. I did not see that at all, just fat.

It has been 4 months since my last relapse, and even though I may not look how I want… I am extremely proud of this accomplishment. I have good days and bad days. But we must not let the bad days dictate our diet efforts! I know you other women out there understand where I am coming from and I am not alone. We need to help each other🙋

 

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